We have talked about doing this for some time. Its not new to us but we never took it beyond maybe a word or so, and most the time he was being playful. He started talking about actually getting into degrading me last week and we tossed the idea around for a minute or so before getting on with the rest of our day. So Master tasked this little angel today to put degrading words in three categories. Green, yellow and red. Green being words he could use freely, yellow words were ones to use sparingly and reds were a big no no. By no means am I ugly or fat. It’s just the low self-esteem those words bring me due to the trama of listening to my mother repeat how unattractive and fat she thought she was through out my life. We talked briefly and he re-read them out loud to make absolutely sure they weren’t going to affect me poorly.
“Now you know how much I love you angel.”
He held my hand his fingers laced carefully around mine.
“Of course Master.”
I reassured him with a smile.
“And you know I will always give you the best after-care?”
He has always been good about patching up the pyhsical and mental wounds after play.
This angel felt the need to make Smores for dessert. I guess I was in a camping kind of mood and the thought of smoking something sweet over a fire just turned me to the subject. So here I am pulling out large fluffy marshmallow squares from the new bag when Master strolled in and took one out of the bag. I thought nothing of it till he shoved it to my lips.
He knows I hate marshmallows plain. If they don’t have chocolate on them or I eat to many they make me gag. I stared at him almost pleading not to make me eat it.
“N-ow my little angel. I want it all gone so open up.”
I slowly parted my lips to let him feed it to me. It immediately made my stomach turn as I chewed the sticky and overly sweet fluff. I wanted to throw up but managed to keep it down.
“Such a good angel.”
He mocked lightly his lips pulling at the sides. He placed the gramcrackers out for me and let me fill them with the chocolate squares; then I flinched having to pull out the marshmallows, still tasting the residue in the back of my mouth.
“I’m not sure I want Smores anymore.”
I thought out loud but he only pushed me to make them even more.
“You’re going to eat a marshmallow everyday'”
He said titling my chin up enough to look him in the eyes.
“Till that bag is completely gone. Do you hear me?”
I nodded in responce.
My stomach is not happy…
“How about we make this fun?”
Master asked with a smirk in the drivers seat.
I asked tilting my head at him from the passenger seat.
“You can’t say the word ‘You’.”
I stared for awhile in silence trying to come up with a way to get out of his game.
“But we’re going to my mom’s birthday party.”
He smiled wide enough to show teeth this time.
“Welll…umm…you know my anxiety kicks in around people.”
“You’ll just have to find another word to say then angel.”
I sighed in defeat.
Master parked the car a ways away from the bar. He did it with the evil intention of making me walk in the high heels he picked out for my dress. Master knows they give me discomfort and he enjoyed watching me flinch as he walked in my shadow.
“By the way, each time you say ‘You’ your punishment will be the spider gag for five extra seconds.”
I whined thinking about it. The silver ring was much to big for my petite mouth and hurt incredibly bad after a short amount of time.
By the end of the night with the help of four drinks I had said ‘You’ six times. That equaled 30 seconds of the spider gag propped in my mouth.
My first punishment in a long time ended up being me glaring back at him. Yes, I can be a very moody angel when I want to be. I was already upset at a coworker after our horrible end of the school year party. I got home unamused, huffing and puffing as I cleaned up Masters dirty laundy and folded the clean clothes on the bed that, I didn’t ask to get on.
He waited and waited as I aggressively threw shirts onto hangers and shoved them all into the closet to reveal that he had brought out our paddle.
“What did I do?”
I’d asked, raising my eyebrow as I crossed my arms across my chest.
“Think about it angel.”
looking at the bed and then back at him it dawned on me.
“I got on the bed without asking.”
He nodded and told me to drop my shorts and bend over. He gave me one hard paddling to my butt and pulled the shorts back up. Already being grumpy I looked back and scowled the best I could. But he only handed me the paddle and told me to put it up then kneel by the bed when I was done.
Master and I agreed that It was time for a clean slate; a healthier slate.
I am to delete my entrys on WordPress. Master will be writing new rules, punishments and rewards. I am from now on suppose to write about our journey and let the past be the past. Sure it will never be forgotten what happened between Monster and Corpse but those life events make us stronger. They do not and will not define us or our D/s relationship. Live and learn. Today we are both optimistic and excited for the future. A complete open, trustful one.