Let It Out

Before the 4th I expressed a lot of harbored feelings that I’ve been holding in because thats what this angel does unfortunately. Though it wasn’t through words, but tears. Master decided that play was needed and cuffed my feet before making me lean over the unmade bed. 

“I’m doing this because I love you my angel,”

I nodded.

“This is in no way a punishment.”

Again I nodded to show I was listening unable to speak how I was feeling about trying out the cane.

He gave a moments pause to let me look at the toys he’d picked out on the bed. Master knew I disliked the cane but he enjoys playing with it so I endured. He gave a few swats to the air as a warm up. The loud whoosh made me squirm. Master paused when he met my deer in the headlights look and chuckled.

“This is just a warm up don’t worry, then we will move on to the Dragon Tail.”

He smiled warmly and I melted a little.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.” 

I pushed my legs back so my butt stuck out a bit more and let the clear cane smack at my thighs. I held back a whine for the most part. Then he hit a bit harder trying to warm me up. I pulled back moving my feet back and forth the cuffs on my legs preventing me from moving more then a tip toe step.

“I know you hate the cane love, just a few more hits and I’ll swich. I promise.”

I gingerly got back into position and let him have his last few wacks, with minimised yelps.

“Thank you angel, you did such a good job.” 

Master lifted my chin to kiss my cheek before putting down the cane and grabbing the Dragon Tail. Master made sure I was fine before proceeding to swing it across my butt legs and back. I groaned and moaned enjoying it till mid way my mood swiched. Tears tipped out of my eyes and I held up my hand to signal I needed a moment. 

“You okay?”

 Master dropped the DT on the bed and scooped me up into his arms. 

“Nod if everything is alright angel.”

 it took me a moment but I managed a slow nod of my head. 

“What happened?” 

this wasn’t normal for me to call out like this and I could see in his eyes he was worried he did something wrong. 

“I started thinking about everything,” 

I felt stupid at this point. 

“That’s been happening the last few weeks.” 

he let me lay there for another few minutes before I let him know I was ready to continue. I felt slightly guilty for letting the outside problems effect our play. We don’t get to do it often due to our schedule and living with his dad for the time being. But he told me it was okay afterwards, that he had enjoyed himself and to me Masters happiness is what matters.

Big Brother

I felt I needed to rewrite about this for future posts. Also a reassurance that my Master and I are not condoning or sexualizing mental health nor actual abuse, rape, incest and or gaslighting. My Master and I are both consenting adult with some pretty explict and not always sane fantasies. In no way would he put me into such a hospitalized state out of play and our sessions.

Master has been working on Gabriel, he is more than just a sadist but borderline psychotic being. He is also my big Brother in our play sessions. He uses Gabriel to push the boundaries of my fears and some of my limits (never hard limits.) Gabriel is indeed a personality all on his own, a personality my Master is quite enjoying to create as he hones his own skills in Dominating me.

I’ve found that when Master switches to this new persona he is almost a different person. As if he falls into a deeper Sadistic space. When Gabriel is present the atmosphere of our play is indeed different, he has worked very hard to make that clear. He doesn’t detour his play when I cry or try to break him from his scene. He is in love, rather then lovingly and only knows how to show his obsession through aggressive behaviour. He is forcefully demanding and induces submission through brutal total power exchange. He is unapologetic and rash with his ways, he unlike my Master welcomes the pain I inflict with struggling against him. He is hightened by this and in due becomes more intense. He is pleased and aroused with THOUGHTS of myself in agony which could be: excessive blood loss, pleading (being pathetic,) broken bones and initially my own death.

We’ve had many discussions on this topic of what is taking it far beyond our line, my line. We both know the dangers that fall with this kind of play.

Degradation

We have talked about doing this for some time. Its not new to us but we never took it beyond maybe a word or so, and most the time he was being playful. He started talking about actually getting into degrading me last week and we tossed the idea around for a minute or so before getting on with the rest of our day. So Master tasked this little angel today to put degrading words in three categories. Green, yellow and red. Green being words he could use freely, yellow words were ones to use sparingly and reds were a big no no. By no means am I ugly or fat. It’s just the low self-esteem those words bring me due to the trama of listening to my mother repeat how unattractive and fat she thought she was through out my life. We talked briefly and he re-read them out loud to make absolutely sure they weren’t going to affect me poorly. 

“Now you know how much I love you angel.”

He held my hand his fingers laced carefully around mine.

“Of course Master.”

I reassured him with a smile.

“And you know I will always give you the best after-care?”

He has always been good about patching up the pyhsical and mental wounds after play.

“I know.”

Nightmare Fluff

This angel felt the need to make Smores for dessert. I guess I was in a camping kind of mood and the thought of smoking something sweet over a fire just turned me to the subject. So here I am pulling out large fluffy marshmallow squares from the new bag when Master strolled in and took one out of the bag. I thought nothing of it till he shoved it to my lips.

“Eat it.”

He knows I hate marshmallows plain. If they don’t have chocolate on them or I eat to many they make me gag. I stared at him almost pleading not to make me eat it.

“N-ow my little angel. I want it all gone so open up.”

I slowly parted my lips to let him feed it to me. It immediately made my stomach turn as I chewed the sticky and overly sweet fluff. I wanted to throw up but managed to keep it down.

“Such a good angel.”

He mocked lightly his lips pulling at the sides. He placed the gramcrackers out for me and let me fill them with the chocolate squares; then I flinched having to pull out the marshmallows, still tasting the residue in the back of my mouth.

“I’m not sure I want Smores anymore.”

I thought out loud but he only pushed me to make them even more.

“You’re going to eat a marshmallow everyday'”

He said titling my chin up enough to look him in the eyes.

“Till that bag is completely gone. Do you hear me?”

I nodded in responce.

My stomach is not happy…

You

“How about we make this fun?”

Master asked with a smirk in the drivers seat. 

“What?”

I asked tilting my head at him from the passenger seat.

“You can’t say the word ‘You’.”

I stared for awhile in silence trying to come up with a way to get out of his game.

“But we’re going to my mom’s birthday party.”

He smiled wide enough to show teeth this time.

“And?”

“Welll…umm…you know my anxiety kicks in around people.”

“You’ll just have to find another word to say then angel.”

I sighed in defeat.

Master parked the car a ways away from the bar. He did it with the evil intention of making me walk in the high heels he picked out for my dress. Master knows they give me discomfort and he enjoyed watching me flinch as he walked in my shadow.

“By the way, each time you say ‘You’ your punishment will be the spider gag for five extra seconds.”

I whined thinking about it. The silver ring was much to big for my petite mouth and hurt incredibly bad after a short amount of time. 

By the end of the night with the help of four drinks I had said ‘You’ six times. That equaled 30 seconds of the spider gag propped in my mouth.

The Grumpiest of Angels

My first punishment in a long time ended up being me glaring back at him. Yes, I can be a very moody angel when I want to be. I was already upset at a coworker after our horrible end of the school year party. I got home unamused, huffing and puffing as I cleaned up Masters dirty laundy and folded the clean clothes on the bed that, I didn’t ask to get on.

He waited and waited as I aggressively threw shirts onto hangers and shoved them all into the closet to reveal that he had brought out our paddle.

“What did I do?”

I’d asked, raising my eyebrow as I crossed my arms across my chest.

“Think about it angel.”

looking at the bed and then back at him it dawned on me.

“I got on the bed without asking.”

He nodded and told me to drop my shorts and bend over. He gave me one hard paddling to my butt and pulled the shorts back up. Already being grumpy I looked back and scowled the best I could. But he only handed me the paddle and told me to put it up then kneel by the bed when I was done.

 

Clean 

Master and I agreed that It was time for a clean slate; a healthier slate.

I am to delete my entrys on WordPress. Master will be writing new rules, punishments and rewards. I am from now on suppose to write about our journey and let the past be the past. Sure it will never be forgotten what happened between Monster and Corpse but those life events make us stronger. They do not and will not define us or our D/s relationship. Live and learn. Today we are both optimistic and excited for the future. A complete open, trustful one.